P2P

The Unknown Picture

I wish I could explain this picture.  It makes me feel very old knowing that I was at some event that made me cry and I can not remember why.  I only can tell you a few things about this picture.

This was either my sophomore or senior year.  Based on the clothes, hair, braces, etc I’d say sophomore.  I also had Mrs. Morgan (shown) for English AP my senior year so it could totally be then too.  I told you, I’m old and don’t remember this picture.

I can tell you it looks like Mrs. Morgan was giving me some type of recognition.  As I said, the only one related to writing was the Southern Sampler I posted yesterday but that was my senior year so maybe I got an award I don’t remember.

I can tell you this was my high school library.

Also, I can tell you my lips look like this

pic courtesy of Sass

There are some things it’s ok not to remember.   That red lipstick is one of them.

Brains and Love

Six years ago when we moved to Columbia, we moved our building and lots of boxes of our stuff we didn’t need to our IL’s backyard.  Most of the boxes held books and papers from my office and lots of knick knacks we didn’t have room for in the apartment. FIL spent some time about two weeks ago trying to clean out the building and reminded us of all our boxes in there.  I was actually interested in going through them because I recently could not find a journal I knew existed.

(I know, bad picture)

Yesterday on a whim, still dressed in my church clothes I decided to check it out.  Well, let’s just say I found my journal and about 3 months worth of blogging material if nothing else.  So many memories from my last years in high school, all my college years and Scott and I’s engagement and marriage.

It reminded me of two things.

One, I am smart.  I know I’m all hot bloggerish and all *ahem* (if anything, pictures proved very different) but I really am smart too.  I kept so many things from school and one after another reminded me of all my accomplishments.  Junior Scholar, Phi Kappa Phi, Upsilon Pi Epsilon, Internships, Honor Roll, etc. Then I went through all my Calculus and Writing notebooks from college and dang ya’ll, I have no idea what that means.  But I did.  At one point my brain comprehended all that.  And just this weekend I was wondering why I was writing a book.  And you know what?  I’m writing because I have a good idea and I’m smart and creative and I should.  And I should do a lot more than that.  I don’t know what but I’m capable and I should do it!

And two, I was deliriously in love with Scott.  And I use the word “was” only because it was that first love, make-you-scrapbooks-and-mixed-tapes kind of love.  And it’s not to say I don’t love him anymore.  After 15 years of being with him, I love him much more now to the point he is almost literally my other half, a part of me.  But seeing all those scrapbooks and yearbook dedications and such was refreshing.

I do plan to blog about a few things I found.  Some funny, some sweet.  But today, I’ll leave you with my 20 year prediction and and dedications from my Senior Paper.

20 year prediction.  Kind of close actually:

Senior Dedication.  I don’t expect you to know anyone except MD is Melissa , HW is Heather (part of Joshes on HW is explained here) and SB is Scott.  I just thought reading the end 12 years later was a little bit of “awww”.

My First Crush

Ok, this should really be titled One of My First Crushes or My First Crush on a Boy at Church or maybe even more appropriately The First Boy I Stalked.

When I was in Fifth Grade (or was it Sixth?), we started going to a new church.  We moved from a church of about 30 to 3,000.  Somewhere along the way Heather and I both developed a crush for a boy.  He. was cute.  But very, very unattainable.  Since it was such a large youth group (over 200 I think) we didn’t really cross paths except to say we were in the same room 3 times a week.  We definitely didn’t run in the same circles.  And we didn’t even go to school in the same state so we never saw each other there either. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever spoken to him in my life.  (Heather, correct me if I’m wrong.)  So I have no idea how we started liking him.  Except did I mention he was cute?

But somehow we obsessed over him.

The sanctuary was large, shaped in an arc with two stories.  Heather and I always sat in the second section from the left, first row in the balcony on Sunday evenings.  This boy always sat in the second from right section about mid-way on the floor.  And for whatever reason, we stared at him the entire time clapping and singing about how God was a Strong Tower hoping he’d look up at us.  And every once in a while he would.  And I’m very sure now trying to see if the two crazies had quit staring.  But how did we poke each other and giggle which further encouraged our stalker-like staring.

I think word eventually got around to him that I liked him.  I was told he said he wasn’t interested.  I was ugly and I looked like a St. Bernard.

Either that was a lie, he didn’t know what a St. Bernard looked like, maybe I heard through the grapevine wrong or he REALLY thought we were crazy and was exaggerating so we’d leave him alone which was highly likely.  Because as much self-confidence as I lacked, I knew I didn’t and don’t look like that.  But, I got the drift.  I wasn’t pageant material and he wasn’t interested.

But somehow we never quit looking at him, hoping he’d change his mind one day.  I left that church when Scott and I got engaged.  My family continued to go for a while and I remember going back and visiting and hoping he’d look at me and see how much I did NOT look like a St. Bernard, declare his long-time love for me and carry me off on a white horse.  Needless to say my “love” went quite unrequited.  Especially since we never, you know, TALKED.

And don’t forget to read about Melissa’s First Crush

November 1, 1992

I haven’t posted one of these Vintage Amy Posts in awhile so I pulled out my old journals and will be posting a few…

We had fun @ ML’s party.  We snuck out, but didn’t get caught.  We almost did though.  We watched Wayne’s World & Sleeping with the Enemy.  Well, let’s get to the good part.

M & I went to Carrigan Farms for Halloween with the youth group.  I saw L and went to introduce M to him.  We were down by the lake then and then went up the hill and he left. But GB, M’s dream guy stayed and talked to us.  S didn’t really hang around us that much because she was mad at M for liking G.  Anyway M and G sat beside each other after G asked her to.  I told L to sit beside me.  When the ride first started h put his arm around me and I didn’t think anything of it.  Then he started rubbing my hand.  I was getting cold and put my blanket over us.  Everybody was throwing hay everywhere so M and G put their blanket over their heads and it didn’t look very good.  But anyway, the hay was sliding, so L& I were practically lying down.  By this time we were holding hands.  And @ one point I though the had kissed me on my neck and if he didn’t, something was on my neck.  We were under the covers and he asked me if I had a boyfriend and Heather called me so I took the covers off.  I think he was going to ask me out.  Then in the van we were holding hands.  It felt like it was supposed to be, but I kept thinking about S.  I don’t think S like me, so everybody says I should like L, but I know the minute I see S, I’ll start liking him again.  I think I’ll just wait it out, I don’t know.  When L was holding my hand, it felt good to hold someone’s hand, but I don’t know if I want it to be his.

Amy!

What you should know now:

Wayne’s World!

People, please remember I was 14.  Why I embarrass myself with these, I don’t know.  But I laugh at most of it.  The really scary thing is less than two years from this date, I met Scott and have not dated anyone else.  Yeah…that’s scary stuff. 

If you’ve never read any of these posts or for some reason can’t keep up with my teenage love life, I did end up "dating" L.  S and I sort of went on a date eventually but I don’t think he ever really liked me.

And yes, I really did write the word "at" with @ and really did put an exclamation point after my name when I signed it in cursive.  There are also hearts drawn around this entry.

Honestly, I really don’t remember much of anything in this post happening. I remember sneaking out of ML’s party and I think all we did is walk up and down the neighborhood streets.  I remember going to the farm and sort of remember there being a hay ride but can’t remember any of these details I mentioned.  It feels kind of weird to read about events that happened to you but you can’t remember.

August 28, 1992 – September 14, 1992

OK, this is going to be a “series” of journal entries.  There are several posts on one or two guys that need to be posted together.  So here goes…this is REALLY long so you’ll have to “read more” to get the whole thing.

Read more »

August 17, 1994

I think I’ve finally gotten a grip on the fact that M is leaving here.  It has really upset me.  I feel like there’s goign to be no one there for me in school; no one to tell everything to; no one to go everywhere with.  It’s like she’s going to be in a whole new world.  Talking to new people; riding with new people; dating different guys; different girls will be spending the night; a whole new crowd of people to put up with her stupid self.  I just feel like I’m being abandoned.  My friend S might be moving, M is, Scott won’t be with me in school, MF is in only to of my classes.  I don’t know what to do!

What you should know now:

Don’t you love my use of semi-colons?  Yes, that was really written like that in my journal.  I was even a dork then. 

M is the same M that is on my P2P players list and we are still friends.  We’ve been friends since 3rd grade and still are.  She ended up moving for a year (or two, can’t remember) and she did find new friends and did a bunch of new things with them that we never did together and we did grow apart some that year.  But we got back on track when she got home.  I think it’s interesting I found this one though, while going through St and Sh leaving the church.  Apparently I don’t handle people “leaving me” very well.

Tammy Faye

I was shocked last week to finally see Tammy Faye at 65 lbs. and then saddened to hear of her death this weekend.  My family has a sort of history with the Bakkers.

We live in Fort Mill, SC home of the original PTL or Heritage USA, whichever you’d like to call it.  My earliest memory of my childhood is actually from PTL.  When I was 3 and my sister is 1 my parents felt led to move to the South.  They owned a 2 story house in Maryland and yet when they moved to Fort Mill, we moved literally into a pup tent on the campgrounds of PTL.  We stayed there for 6 weeks and then other people on the campgrounds let us use their camper for a few weeks until we got into an apartment in Charlotte, NC.  I still remember going with my mom to the public restrooms at the campground.  My dad got a job at PTL.  He worked in the hotel and then in the “pyramind building” as a computer programmer on their systems.  My dad worked there for several years, even after we moved back to Fort Mill to a house.  I remember going behind the hotel counter and up the stairs to my dad’s office.  I remember looking over the railing and into the open restaurant and seeing people eating there.  I remember swimming in the indoor pool at the hotel.  I remember shopping at the stores on the Main Street in the hotel.  I remember eating ice cream at the shop on the end of main street.  I remember eating at the cafeteria there.  I remember the water park and always being afraid of the largest slide.  I don’t think I ever went down that slide.  I remember the big cliff jump and the lazy river and the wave pool and the tube ride and the lemonade drinks and the snack stand behind the waterfall.  I even remember the lockers.  I remember everything about that waterpark.  I remember the outdoor pool near the condos.  I remember seeing the Bakker show taped at the studio.  I remember the skating rink.  I remember the big Moose.  I remember the country store and shopping there.  I remember all the people.  So many people went there.  Especially at Christmas for the light show.  I remember being in line outside of PTL just trying to get to our house and there was a little side street you could go around to get past all the traffic.  I remember when Dad worked at the pyramid place and I pulled the fire alarm. I remember seeing Dad changing tapes on the computer systems. I remember drawing a picture of a house with windows and curtains while we visited my dad one day there. I remember the tram and the train.  So many memories.  In fact, my first job was at the ice cream store on Main Street.  Even after most things were shut down, the waterpark stayed open and I used to go there every afternoon after my second job at the real estate.  One time I met Tammy Sue at the hotel.  I remember seeing Tammy Faye and Jim one day there.  I even remember seeing Tammy Sue at our post office one day.  I had their records and I remember listening to the children’s songs.  I have lots of memories of PTL and the Bakker’s.  And let me tell you, they’re good memories.  My parents shielded me from all the stuff that happened. I didn’t really understand all of it.  But even now, as I understand what happened, I don’t harbor bad feelings for them.  We all do things we’re not proud of.  He just happened to be in the spotlight.  I do wish him well and when I say I’m saddened by Tammy Faye’s death, I am.  It’s like a part of my past is gone.

July 17, 1993

Last night my family was planning on going out shopping and Mom had to stop by “a customer’s house”.  We got there and it was M’s house. M&M made me a birthday surprise.  They decorated her room and made me a cake.  They were so sweet.  I was SO surprised.  We went swimming and then just went up to her room and talked about church and speaking in tongues and OF COURSE guys.  It was G, C and DD.  He’s a new guy of M’s.  We stayed up till 6:00am and got up at 10am.  4 hours of sleep.  I am so tired.  Last night I called G and he told me he was thinking about me – alot.  I asked him what he was thinking and he said happy things.  I was fixing to say happy, happy, joy, joy but I didn’t.  He said he had to tell me something.  I just don’t know what it is. I  really, really want to find out.  Like now.

July 17, 1994

This might make you want to throw up….my apologies in advance.

We’re on our way to camp and I’m not looking forward to it at all.  Me and Heather were not able to sign up in a cabin so we got stuck with people we don’t even know.  Heather is okay about it, but it sort of upsets me!  I want to be with my friends, especially on my 16th birthday.  I want to try to change it, but I have a feeling it’s not going to work.  Maybe S can do something for me.  Plus, I miss Scott.  I haven’t seen him since Friday night.  I hope he’s thinking about me because he’s all I can think about.

Later…

Well, things have gone better.  I’ve found friends here in my cabin and even though things didn’t work out as I had wanted, I know I will have a good time.  I’m starting not to care what other people think.  E, me, Heather and another girl, C, are the only people on this side of the cabin.  I still miss Scott so terriblly.  I just want to feel his arms around my small waist (as he calls it) and kiss his soft lips.  And to know I will not be doing this until Friday breaks my heart into many unbearable pieces.  Okay, let’s not get too mushy. [too late]  But I don’t care how I talk [really?  you should] I still miss him.  I want to call him but he’s at the beach.  I hope he’s thinking about me.  Tomorrow is my birthday – my 16th birthday.

07-07-07

Ten years ago on 07-07-97 Scott and I got engaged.  Interestingly and unplanned, we were married on 08-08-98.

We were at Myrtle Beach that week with his family.  He had asked for my hand in marriage from my dad and I knew he had bought a ring I had helped pick out.  In fact, my parents bought it and he paid them back $50/mo.   I wasn’t sure if he had brought the ring to the beach but I thought he might have.  One evening after dark, we went for a walk on the beach right near Cherry Grove’s pier.  He stopped us so I was facing the water and he was facing me.  I don’t remember anything he said to me.  I do remember he had to get the ring out of his back pocket and dropped it.  He had to find it in the sand which thankfully didn’t take long and wasn’t quite as awkward as it may seem.  Anyway, he got down on his knee and proposed.  I was so happy I was laughing and crying at the same time and never said yes.  He said, Well, say yes!  Which I did of course.   On the beach, under a full moon.  It was quite a romantic setting.  I remember going back to the beach house we were staying at and telling his mom we were engaged.  I remember her giving us a hug and then start crying.  I don’t really remember much else about the week and the rest you could say is history.

July 1, 1992

I’m becoming depressed at all these entries talking about boys I merely *looked* at…the only redemption I see is that I was 11 when I wrote this.

Today we went to Sam’s then went to the Rock Hill Mall.  We passed these 2 guys (cute).  We went to Deb’s and they kept going back and forth.  Then we went to Stuart’s.  They came in and the one said, “I need to get something for my mom.”  We were like “Right”.  They did the same thing passing by.  The one was looking and Stacy waved and he waved back.  Ronnie [Stacy's dad] came and got us and they were sitting on a bench, they followed down to Belk and I waved good-by.  Then we went to Heritage and I saw 2 other guys.  They kept looking at me.  We had no hope together, but it was fun while it lasted.  Anyway, I gotta go!

Amy

June 28, 1993

Well, last Wednesday night G and I sat and watched the video from camp and talked.  I had to leave and I got up and he pulled me back down and asked me out for Saturday.  I had to go, so I stood up and so did he.  The way he was looking at me I seriously thought if he was ever going to kiss me it would have been then.  He just hugged me and I left.  Sunday we sat together and I met his dad.  He seemed pretty cool.  Sunday night we sat together.  Afterwards we talked and then hugged goodbye.  Hold up – I totally forgot to tell you about Saturday.  We met at 2:00 and walked all around the mall.  Learning his mom is in charge of his money, he doesn’t like the kind of clothes I like on guys [I should have called it quits then and saved myself some time]- but hey, that’s okay.  At 4:00 I got something to eat and we sat until 5:00 (when I left) and talked.  I can’t even remember what we talked about.  But anyway, we’re going to the Kenny G concert together for my birthday [really?? I do NOT remember that] .  N might come.  We hugged good-bye and agreed we should do something together again.  Anyway about Sunday.  I went to go find Mom, Dad and Heather in the FLC and they were going to get ice cream at the ice cream social.  So I went back to the sanctuary and talked to G for awhile.  Tonight we sat together at Bible study and talked afterward and just hugged.  I’m going to PA Wednesday and won’t see him for at least a week.  It seems we’re really very opposite, but we get along really well.  Opposites attract I guess.  I mean he’s not ugly, he’s a Christian, he’s taking things slowly progressing, from what S says, will be a very strong and committed relationship [i have no idea what i just said, sorry].  It just seems everything is right.  Some things we don’t agree on stuff (clothes) but we can’t agree on every single little thing.  I’m really going to miss him alot.  I don’t know who we’re staying with in PA.  Meme was really sick on Sunday and Mom went down [to the altar to pray for her] in Meme’s place and Mom called Meme Monday morning and Meme said she was feeling a whole lot better.  Thank the Lord.  The hospital is doing good.  Today this guy Danny introduced himself to me during my break.  He seemed really nice.  There is this guy that looks REALLY GOOD that works there.  There’s another guy who I believe is a doctor who looks good tall and dark hair.  We kept looking at each other, but when I was leaving I think he was asking some girl out.  Well, we finally got my room redone.  It’s black and white (really cream).  I like it alot.  Anyway, I’m really glad G and I are I guess you could say starting something. S was talking to him at work on Saturday and she said every other word was Amy.  I’m glad someboy I like is respectable and likes me.  I mean C…G…P.  What do I have/can to say?  Well, I just thank God He sent somebody I can finally feel comfortable with and nothing to hide or be ashamed of.  Finally!  Keep in touch!

Make a List

Not sure what year this is..some time in middle school.

Favorite color – purple

Season – summer

Actor – Tom Hanks, Patrick Swayze

Actress – Julia Roberts

Song – “Baby, Baby” by Amy Grant

Clothes – Jeans and an oversized t-shirt

Subject - math

Car – Corvette

Hobby – talking on the telephone

What you need to know now:

Funny how some of that is still true…check out my About page for a lot of my favorites.

June 23, 1993

I ended up finding a post for yesterday and can’t find one for today so I’m posting this one.

Well, I have nowhere else to put what I’m  feeling except here.  I went to church on Sunday and sat with G both am and pm.  Monday we had bible study and a service thign about cults.  I sat with him.  Monday afterwards he asked me to go with him to the movies on Tuesday.  I was in heaven.  Monday when I got home I prayed for a dream to let me know if I was supposed to be with him or not.  I had a dream we were going out.  He called me Tuesday letting me know a friend had come into town that had moved and he was going to do something with him.  I was cool with it because I kenw I was going to go to the service that night and I could see him there.  I called N up to see if I could get a ride to the church and she was getting tires put on her car.  I got I guess you could say depressed and lied down and went to sleep for 2 hours.  I got up, ate, and went back to sleep.  I had a dream that I was with G and a couple other people and we went to go talk to someone and he just left me.  I got upset because I didn’t know why he left.  When I woke up I became upset or depressed or something.  I think I felt the dream showed or was trying to tell me that he didn’t really care about me.  All morning I’ve been depressed because I felt like when I go to church tonight he’s just going to act like he doesn’t like me and ignore me like he did the first couple of days of camp.  Now I don’t know how I feel. I keep trying to think about God and how he loves me but sometimes I think I need or I guess want someone to love me.  I know I have family and friends but I finally thought I met someone who was perfect for me.  He’s funny, kind a cute, a Christian.  It just all fits and I guess when I thought about him not liking me it hurt.  I didn’t know I liked him that much, but I guess I do.  I’m just praying he feels the same way about me.  It would be good to finally have somebody I could really like because the way they were and not because they liked me first.  That’s another thing I’m worried about.  What if he just likes me because I like him?  I don’t know.  I just need to know what he’s thinking.  I’m sort of getting tired of liking someone for nothing.  It’s sort of like when you  like a car so much and you want it so bad, but you know there’s no way you could ever have it.  [uh, yeah, like that].  I don’t want to waste my summer liking him when he’s not going to like me.  Of course, at least 3 people have told me they thought he liked me, but they don’t know what he’s thinking or feeling.  I guess he can’t hate me because he wouldn’t have asked me out if he did.  Another thing that bothers me is HF.  Monday night she was flirting all over him.  I had to tell myself that I can’t hate her.  When S like him, she would always get so upset when she would flirt with him and I never understood why she made such a big deal about it.  Now I see exactly why she got upset.  I guess it’s just insecurity.  Thinking that if she does that, he’ll start liking her.  But then again, I sort of have a right to be insecure about this whole thing.  I mean he hasn’t exactly told me he likes me.  Ughhh!  This is too stressful!

 What you need to know now:

*rolling eyes*  What was that all about?  Geesh, I think if anything, I wasted way too much worrying about all of it.  I believe we did end up going out to the movies. I remember my mom driving me up to Charlotte to his house.  Maybe we’ll get the details in a future post lol.

April 2, 1992

Still in a dry spell of no vintage posts for today, so here is another essay.  This one is from 8th grade I think.

My Dream Vacation

The beauty of the mountains became clearer as I came closer to the lake.  The air was fresh and clean with a hint of pine in it.  It wa swonderful being away from school and parents, and being in the mountains.  Just the sound of the eagle game me chils.  I saw the birds flying gracefully through the air as I sat by the lake.  When I touched the small deer that had come to me, the eagle cried out again and the deer ran away.  Sundown had approached and it was a beautiful sight.  I began a fire beside me so I could stay out a little longer.  The sun continued to slowly creep down.  The crackling of the fire got louder and it sounded like music to my ears.  My cabin awaited me for the last time as my dream vacation ended.  I put out my fire and slowly walked toward my cabin, looking at the beautiful sight one more time, smelling the pine trees, feeling comfort for the last time.  I stood in the doorway of my cabin hearing the eagle cry one more time before I packed it all up and went back to reality.