P2P

On the spanking

Amy apparently doesn’t want me to have any more readers because she’s tagged me about whether or not I spank my kids.  And many may just stop right now when I give a resounding yes, we spank our kids.  That does not mean hit or abuse.  We spank.  This is long so read more in the jump

First of all, both of us were spanked as children and look we turned out ok.  And I mean that seriously.  I think we turned out great because our parents spanked us.  I am NOT saying it’s not possible to raise a child without spanking but I believe it’s clear the Bible says do it this way.

13 Don’t fail to discipline your children.
      They won’t die if you spank them.
14 Physical discipline
      may well save them from death.

I’m sorry, but I have to laugh at verse 13.  They won’t die if you spank them.  I wholeheartedly disagree with people who think it’s violent and causes violence.  In fact, I’ve spanked my children for hitting and it stopped the hitting immediately.  If anything it breaks their heart and when you have a humble heart, you don’t go around abusing people.  I KNOW it seems backwards but it just isn’t.

So I’m sort of rambling but first let me give my memories of being spanked.  The only one I really remember is when my parents left my sister and I at home by ourselves.  I don’t remember where they went but it wasn’t for long.  I decided to bake cookies while they were gone and I had the oven on and forgot the flour out of the recipe.  For some reason, that’s the only details I remember.  But apparently I wasn’t allowed to be using the oven when I was that age because I got a spanking.  But it wasn’t as if my mom started chasing me in circles hitting my behind.  We went to her room, I leaned over the bed and she spanked me with a wooden spoon. She always used a wooden spoon.  I was crying before she finished.  And guess what?  She didn’t storm off and say, See there, you learned your lesson.  She sat on her bed and held me in her arms and rocked me.  She made the relationship between us right again. I had disobeyed.  She had given consequences and then it was over.  I wasn’t mad at her, it barely hurt if at all, my heart was just broken I had disobeyed my parents.  And that’s the point right? 

I’m sure there are other ways to reach the same goal but that works from toddlerhood all the way up until almost the teens.  And really, my spankings by that age were very few and far between.  I read a book on discipline one time and they said that by age 5 a lot of the spanking should be over with.  I believe it.  We hardly ever have to spank Emma now.  So moving on to my kids…

I spank with something like a wooden spoon.  Occasionally I will spank them with my hand.  I never hit them hard.  Usually it’s like a swat.  Before I spank I usually give them a warning or count.  It will be either, "If you do that again, you’re getting a spanking."  or I do the ‘ol 1-2-3 count, if I get to 3, you get a spanking.  Usually I do the warning thing if they are playing with something they know they shouldn’t or they are doing something that could get them hurt. 

I do the count when I need them to come to me and they are refusing to.  My kids are usually running by 2 and really I’ve only had to actually spank for that a few times.  But I think that one is SO important.  If we are in a dangerous situation and I need them to come to me immediately or they get hurt, I need them to learn to come NOW.  And if they are not in the habit of doing so, it could cost them an injury or worse.  Part of my job is training them and if it means starting to train them to come to me when they need their hair brushed, then so be it. 

If there is downright defiance toward us or fits of rage or lying to us, that gets a spanking right away.  I can not handle a child lying on the floor whining and crying because they didn’t get the orange cup.  I pick them up, look them in the eyes at eye level and tell them it’s unacceptable (Super Nanny style) and then instead of putting them in time out, they get a spanking.  I only had to do that one time with Emma.  She had seen another child do it and I know she was trying to copy them and she knew really fast I meant business.  Lexi has been a little tougher to train but even at a threat of spanking she’s drying her tears up and saying, "I not crying."  Kids CAN control their fits.

My kids do not like getting spankings.  I don’t think because it hurts.  In fact, Emma will tell me "that didn’t hurt."  I don’t think they like it for the same reason I didn’t like it…I didn’t like knowing I had disobeyed my parents and they weren’t happy with me.  And in the end, we are modeling our relationship with our heavenly father.  God doesn’t come down and spank us but the large part of the Christian life is learning to obey what God calls us to do.  There are emotional, spiritual and sometimes physical consequences to not listening to him.  He tells in Scripture plainly to teach that concept by spanking.  Physically discipline your children.  Period.

What I’ve learned…never spank in anger, always explain what they are getting a spanking for, don’t spank with your hand, don’t spank with horrible inanimate objects like a boot (like my BIL had done to him), don’t spank in public, don’t make a spectacle about the threat of a spanking in public. 

I’ve seen A LOT of parents handle spanking incorrectly and it’s just sad to watch.

One book I read that I found the closest to my views is from a Christian couple (the husband passed away a few years ago), Drs. Don and Debbi Dunlap called Straighten Up and Fly Right Parents.  The couple had TEN children before Dr. Don passed away so they know a little about training children.  I was able to personally counsel with Debbi and also hear her at a conference.

So that’s it.  Yes, we spank.

Here are the opinions of those who have wrote on this subject before me.
Miche does not spare the rod.
Jo-N wants to be her children’s best friend.
Tot’s Mom spares the rod and believes in patience.
Huckdoll spares the rod and believes there are more effective yet gentle ways to discipline than spanking.
Kelly at Ordinary Art has a three-step approach that does not always work but leaves tiny tushes mark free.
OhMommy has spanked and never will again.
Amy spanks when necessary.
Amy spanks

Instructions:
1. Go to your blog.
2. Post about the topic.
3. Give me the hot, hard, and heavy linky love
4. Copy the last paragraph above and add your name and discipline style.
5. Post that paragraph onto your blog, including links. (Yeah, you will want to sharpen a pencil and stab it in your eye at this point. But, isn’t that half the fun.)
6. Go to the five people you have tagged and leave them a comment to know they are now, it.
7. Sit back and let the comments roll in.

I’m not saying you HAVE to, but I’d like to hear what Jaynee, Jen, Allison and Stacey have to say.